Not sure what could be said first. She arrived into my life at about the time or after I have adopted out Nocka. The black cat without tail, which has shown me the immediate affection. I am not sure why I have rejected Nocka back then, but I was gifted with Atiya. Atiya means gift in arabic. A neurotic, constantly stressed, beautiful, sensitive and very caring and intelligent cat. She passed not so long ago. I was still processing emotions up until today. Can’t remember clearly what happened besides the fact I found her dead.

She liked to lick bags at night, come to my bed and ram her way into receiving some petting. She has seen me happy, sad, mad, concentrated and moved around with me into a couple of places I lived in. I didn’t give her enough attention at the end of her lifes journey. My work and then charitable work took it away from me. My choice, my mistakes to bear. I wouldn’t like that to happen to any of my animals again. Or family members or friends. Work is not worth it. Helping others is not worth it. Family and friends come first. And animals are part of that family. So are plants and likely many of the day to day things we use.

But I am detracting from Atiya.

When we met, she was heartbroken because of the previous owner having to give her away. They were very close. She would call him day after day, and I would just lay on the floor next to her trying to be close, but not too close. Sometimes much closer. I was running an adoption house for kittens back then. Slowly, she would calm down. She had big red wounds on her neck because of the stress scratching. They started to heal too. Patience, love and care – was all she needed in this situation. Unconditional patience, love and care. She gave it all back with surplus later in my life.

She was very broken and at the same time very real. A little neurotic, moody, still I have seen her as a gift from life. She could purr like no other cat I have ever met. And lick my hand until I had red marks. Her favourite spot was sleeping in bed somewhere close. I guess. What a human can tell of the needs of their cat overlord?

She came to my sleep for the last 3 nights counting. While I am in Strontian. Hiking. Attending a festival called Heal Scotland. Or Scotland’s Wild Medicine Festival.

This morning I let the tears flow and left myself some space to process the loss. Maybe finally, maybe it was the moment after a healing ceremony yesterday. As with everything we get attached to, she will be forever in my heart.

Sleep well Atiya.

And here is an Autumn mandala I send you with back into the unknown. I called it “new life”. I hope your next one will be less heartbreaking.